Saying no is part of every arranged marriage search. Done kindly and promptly, it protects relationships between families and leaves everyone's dignity intact. Done badly — by silence, excuses or blame — it causes hurt that lingers in communities for years.
Three principles
- Reply, don't ghost. A clear no within a week is kinder than silence.
- Don't give a reason that judges the person. Height, looks, income — never.
- Keep the door of goodwill open. Wish them well, sincerely.
After seeing the biodata
1.
Namaste ji. Thank you for sharing Rohan's biodata. After discussing at home, we feel it may not be the right match for Priya. We wish him the very best.
2.
Thank you for thinking of us, ji. We are looking for a match in Pune, so we won't be able to take this forward. Best wishes to your family.
3.
Namaste ji. We appreciate the proposal. Priya's preference is a little different at the moment, so we'll respectfully pass. Wishing you the best.
After a phone call
4.
Thank you for the lovely conversation yesterday, ji. We discussed it at home and feel our families' expectations may differ. We truly wish Rohan all the happiness.
5.
It was nice speaking with you. After some thought, we don't feel it's the right fit, but we are grateful for your time.
After meeting
6. From parents
Namaste ji. Thank you for your warm hospitality. Priya and Rohan spoke, and Priya feels they may not be compatible. We hope you understand, and we wish him the very best.
7. From the boy or girl directly (if they've been in touch)
Hi Rohan, thank you for your time and for the honest conversation. I don't feel we're the right match, and I wanted to tell you directly. I wish you the very best.
8. When you need to decline gently but firmly
Thank you for meeting us. After a lot of thought, we've decided not to proceed. We respect your family and hope you find a wonderful match soon.
When kundli is the real reason
9.
Namaste ji. We had the kundlis matched and our pandit ji advised against it. We're sorry, as we liked your family very much.
Use this only when it's true. It's a common excuse, and families can tell.
Through the person who introduced you
10.
Gupta ji, thank you so much for the introduction. We've decided not to take it forward. Could you please convey our thanks and best wishes to them?
When you've already said yes once
11.
Namaste ji. This is difficult to write. After further conversations, we don't feel this is the right match, and it's better to say so now. We are truly sorry for any hurt, and we deeply respect your family.
When the other side keeps following up
12.
Namaste ji, thank you again. We have given it careful thought and our decision is final. We wish you every success in your search.
What never to say
- Comments on looks, height, complexion or weight.
- Comparisons with other proposals.
- Anything about money or "what they can offer".
- A false reason that may hurt their next proposal (for example, inventing a dosha).