The arranged marriage process looks different in every community, but the stages are surprisingly similar from Punjab to Kerala. Knowing them helps families move with confidence — and helps the boy and girl know when their voice matters most (answer: at every stage).
The 10 stages at a glance
| Stage | What happens | Typical time |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Decide to start | Family and the boy/girl agree on timing and basics | 1–2 weeks |
| 2. Make the biodata | Photo, details, one page | 1 day |
| 3. Spread the word | Relatives, community, matrimonial sites | Ongoing |
| 4. Shortlist | Read biodatas, discuss at home | 1 week per batch |
| 5. Kundli (if followed) | Match horoscopes | 2–3 days |
| 6. First call between families | Introductions, basics | 1 call |
| 7. Boy and girl talk | Phone or video, then in person | 1–4 weeks |
| 8. Family meeting | Formal visit | 1 day |
| 9. Roka / commitment | Families say yes | 1 day |
| 10. Engagement and wedding | Ceremonies | 1–12 months |
1. Decide to start — together
Before a single biodata goes out, sit down as a family. Agree on the must-haves, the city, career plans and the timeline. The person getting married should lead this. See setting realistic expectations.
2. Make a strong biodata
One page, a recent photo, specific facts. Use the checklist, and make it in the family's language too if elders will read it.
3. Spread the word
Use three channels together: relatives and friends, community groups and publications, and one reputable matrimonial site. Use the same biodata everywhere.
4. Shortlist calmly
Read biodatas together once a week rather than reacting to each one. Mark each as yes, maybe or no, and reply to all within a few days.
5. Kundli, if your family follows it
Match horoscopes before meeting, not after — it prevents painful late breakups. Our gun milan by name gives a quick indication; a full match by an astrologer gives the answer. Read how important kundli matching is.
6. The first call between families
Keep it warm and brief: introductions, the boy's and girl's work and city, family background. Avoid salary and dowry topics entirely.
7. Let the boy and girl talk
A phone or video call, then a meeting in a café or at home. This is where compatibility is really tested. Use 50 questions to ask as a starting point.
8. The family meeting
A visit to one family's home. Both families observe how they are received and how the households run. See first meeting tips.
9. Roka or commitment
Once both sides say yes, a small ceremony marks the commitment. Before this, verify basic facts — job, education, previous marriage if any. See how to verify a profile.
10. Engagement and wedding
Customs vary widely: roka, sagai, tilak, nischayam, mangni, chunni. See engagement customs explained.
Golden rules throughout
- The boy and girl must be free to say no at any stage.
- No dowry — it is illegal under the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961.
- Reply on time, decline kindly.
- Disclose anything important before the roka.
- Legal age: 21 for men and 18 for women under Indian law.